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Crosstalk: Stop playing with your uncle!

Chapter 333: "Anti-7" and the Apprentice's Debut

Counting continued, Qi Long still followed his own method and broke off two fingers first: "They are an old couple, to prevent you from taking advantage!" Dong Qiang nodded: "Okay, okay, they count as two old couples. Go on. I want to see how your ring finger comes out." Qi Long spoke very quickly while counting on his fingers: "My brother, my sister-in-law, my mother, my wife and me" After counting five people, he stretched out his clenched fist with his little finger and ring finger together. Dong Qiang was puzzled: "Huh? Why is there one more person?" Qi Long stretched out his hand: "Stop talking nonsense, one hundred dollars!" "No, no, wait a minute, how can you count seven out of six?" Dongqiang was of course acting; their mother was already included in the old couple's number, but Qilong also added his own mother when he counted later, which meant that one person accounted for two people, so naturally there was one more person. This is the problem with crosstalk techniques. They count quickly without mentioning that they include the old couple, so that at first glance you may think they are all their family members. Many audiences who heard it for the first time didn't react and were confused.

Qi Long did it again, and Dong Qiang asked one by one, whose little finger is this, whose ring finger is this, and he was even counting on his fingers to figure out what was going on. "They are the old couple, your brother, is your family, your sister-in-law is your family, your mother." "Your mother!" Qi Long glared, actually interrupting on purpose, creating the effect of you scolding me and I scolding you, in order to interfere with the train of thought of the supporting actor. The audience burst into laughter. "It was a slip of the tongue," Dong Qiang apologized, "Auntie, this is also your family, your wife and you, eh? How come there is one more person here?" "One hundred dollars!" Qi Long stretched out his hand again. Dongqiang waved his hand: "No, no, I'll smooth it over again." After reciting it a few times, Dong Qiang hit his head and said, "No, the old couple are already counted, so how can there be an extra aunt?" This solves the mystery, but Qi Long still has another trick up his sleeve. Let’s count again. This time, he still called "the old couple" and pressed down two fingers, and then my brother and sister-in-law took up their middle fingers and ring fingers. They clenched their four fingers, leaving only the little finger exposed. Dong Qiang looked at Qi Long with a sneer on his face: "If you dare to say that's Auntie, I'll beat you!" Qi Long pointed at the little finger that was stretched out: "Who is this then?" "Your wife!" Qi Long nodded: "Little Finger is my wife?" "Yeah!" Qi Long pointed at his little finger and said, "My wife," and then stretched out his ring finger: "My! The ring finger is out again!" This time, the little finger was lifted up directly before it retracted, which scared people again. Dongqiang pretended to be stupid and calculated before he finally reacted. "That's not right. Why did you come up when your wife hasn't gone down yet?" Dong Qiang said, pulling Qi Long's hand. Qi Long could only count again. This time, Gao Dongqiang stared at him and first reminded him that his aunt was counted as "the old couple". Then he reminded him that he had to put his little finger down and then stretch it out.

If we count like this, there are six people in total and we can’t count the seventh mouthful, and we can’t even stretch out our ring finger. "Hey, one hundred yuan. I told you there are six people in your family, but you insisted there are seven!" It was Dong Qiang's turn to ask Qi Long for money. Qi Long held out his ring finger: "You're missing one of our family members!" "How can I count one less person in your family?" Qi Long put his hands on his hips and said, "You have been calculating for so long, but you still haven't considered me your son. My son who was born not long ago, do you consider him my son?" "Ouch!" Dong Qiang knocked his head, put his hand to his mouth to stop Qi Long, and pretended to talk to the audience: "Ouch, his son was just born not long ago and I forgot about it. He does have a son, how could I forget this? No, no, I can't admit defeat. If I lose, I have to give him a hundred yuan. I don't care about the money, but I can't stand his arrogance. Well, in this way, I will say that I am his son." Dong Qiang turned around and patted Qi Long, who was calculating what he could sell for 100 yuan, and said, "Who did you say I didn't calculate?" Qi Long turned around and said, "You don't count me as your son!" "I am your son!" As soon as these words were spoken, the room burst into laughter. What were they laughing at? They were laughing at the fact that Gao Dongqiang was taken advantage of. The ethical jokes are the easiest to hit. When this crosstalk was created, the punchline was like this. I don't know how many times the artists have said it, and the audiences have heard it countless times, but they still laugh when they hear it again. Some of the old fans who often listen to crosstalk are waiting for this joke! Qi Long waved his hands: "No, no, no, you are not my son!" "I am your son." "When did you become my son?" "Just now, I considered myself your son!" The two sang in unison and the audience laughed. Qi Long continued to ask: "Who do you think saw my son?" Dong Qiang pointed at the audience and said, "Didn't everyone see this? I am your son!" Qi Long stretched out his hand: "That's right, if you count my son, our family is seven, if you don't count my son, our family is six!" Dongqiang repeated this sentence, and then realized something was wrong: "Hey, am I his son? I..." "One hundred dollars!" Dong Qiang reluctantly said that he would transfer the money to him later, and then complained to the audience: "This kid is taking advantage of me, knowing that I would forget his son, he set a trap for me, no, I have to make it back, there are six people in our family, I told him that there are eight people in our family, he definitely didn't believe it, so I asked him to count! When I counted to the seventh bite, I said I didn’t count my son, so I made my money back. When I counted to the eighth bite, I said I didn’t count my grandson, so I would have another generation to make back the 100 yuan!” After telling the audience what he was going to do next, Dong Qiang patted Qi Long, who was counting the hundred yuan as if it wasn't enough: "You just said that your family has a lot of people, that's not right, our family has more people than yours!" Qi Long didn't care: "It doesn't matter if it's more!" "There are eight people in our family. Do you believe it?" Qi Long nodded: "I believe it!" "You don't want to believe it. Hmm? How can you believe it?" This is also a classic crosstalk technique, where one of the actors first tells the audience what he should do, and if you follow him, he will definitely not be happy. The other actor refuses to cooperate, which brings about a comedic effect. "I believe it!"

"You can't believe it, you have to say you don't believe it, and then I'll ask you to count to the seventh bite." Dong Qiang told him all his plans: "Hey, why did I tell him everything?" Dong Qiang used his strength to grab Qi Long's collar and lifted him up: "I'm telling you, you have to count for me!" Qi Long pushed him away and patted his collar as if in disgust. "I understand what you mean. You are a smart guy who doesn't want to suffer any loss. I took advantage of you just now, and now you want to take it back, right? Okay, I'll calculate it for you, just as you did just now?" Dong Qiang nodded with satisfaction: "Just do as I said just now!" Qi Long snapped his fingers and said, "I'll count your father as the first one to bite!" "Yes (the audience laughed and Zhong Dongqiang responded quickly) Hey, hey, hey, you can't be my dad for now!" "Then I will be your dad from now on!" "You can't be my dad anymore!" "Then how can I be considered your father?" "You can't be considered my father no matter what!" "If I'm not your father, then who is?" An audience member interrupted: Me! Qi Long pointed at the audience and asked: "Is he your father?" "No one can be counted as my father, so why does it seem so strange when I count? Oh, okay, okay, I'll count it myself and you just keep track of the number!" Dongqiang saw that he was being taken advantage of no matter how he looked at him, so he decided to count it himself. "You figure it out!" Dongqiang snapped his fingers: "The first bite." Qi Long took a deep breath: "Hey!~~~Hey? Why don't you count it?" "Just waiting for your promise? As soon as I mentioned my dad, you sighed and said you were taking advantage of me again, right? I won't tell you, so guess who this is?" Dong Qiang asked, pointing at his thumb that was pressed down. The crosstalk was coming to an end at this point. When it came to guessing family members, Qi Long refused to guess his father. He said it was him first. Dongqiang said he was older than me, and Qilong guessed it was my older brother. Bigger than brother, Big Brother! Bigger than big brother, Big Brother! Dong Qiang was helpless: "He is a generation older than Big Brother!" "Your uncle!" "My uncle is considered a relative, and he is a member of our family. He is older than my brother. Tell me, who is he?" "Your uncle!" "A little older than my uncle!" "Your uncle?" "Hey, there you go again, the one who's older than my uncle and younger than my great-grandfather, the one who can't be in the middle!" Qi Long suddenly realized: "I know!"

"Who?" "You second uncle!" Dongqiang was anxious: "Hey, my dad!" "Hey~~~~" "Being copied again?" The two brothers took a step back and bowed. At this point, the show, which was full of ethical jokes, officially ended. In the first half, when it was about Qi Long's family, there was a segment where the little rascal tried to add one more person to his family, and there were also ethical jokes like "you are my son", and the second half was "I am your father". These are all classic funny scenes in this traditional crosstalk, and the two brothers performed them steadily and well on stage. Qi Long's clever and taking advantage of the funny part and Dong Qiang's somewhat slow-witted supporting role were both performed just right, showing their traditional crosstalk skills. The audience felt so comfortable listening to them, laughing at the jokes or joining in the fun from time to time. It can be said that the whole scene was filled with joy. There are still some old listeners who came to listen to the crosstalk today, and they said frankly that these two guys are no worse than what they hear on the radio! Amidst everyone's applause, Qi Long and Dong Qiang walked to the side of the stage and were invited to the stage by the host. The two brothers returned to the front of the stage and were greeted with applause again. They chatted with the audience for a while. Basically, today's show by the two of them was added last weekend after they talked to Luan Yunping, who arranged the show, about it. It was quite temporary, so with seven pairs of actors performing, each show had to be shortened and there was less chatting before the crosstalk started. Then Qi Long explained why he came here today and why he brought the children with him. Their two apprentices had memorized a few passages and always wanted to go on stage to experience it. They definitely couldn't waste your tickets for the official performance, so they would show it to everyone in the closing scene. As they spoke, two children strode onto the stage in their small gowns, and the audience gave them enthusiastic applause. Although the small theater is called a small theater, there are hundreds of people there. Although the two brothers have performed on campus on Children's Day or New Year's Eve, they have also performed on stage during the assessment of the Deyun Training Society. But facing familiar classmates and seniors and facing completely unfamiliar audiences in the audience, there are two different effects. The small fish and shrimps all feel a little weak. His hands were clenched tightly under his coat and he was sweating. Dongqiang moved the table away, Qi Long lowered the height of the two microphone poles, squatted down and said to the microphone: "Next, please enjoy a short show performed by Jin Xiaoyu and Xia Lingyuan!" After saying that, Qi Long and Dong Qiang stepped aside. When Dongqiang retreated, he took down the microphone on the right side of the table. In case anything happened to the two children, he could use the microphone to smooth things over. The children bowed to express their gratitude, and then Jin Xiaoyu spoke first: "Just now my uncle Qi Long and Master Gao Dongqiang performed a crosstalk called, uh." "'Anti-Seven Mouths'!" Seeing that he was so nervous that he even forgot the lyrics he had written, Xia Lingyuan was also nervous, but he had not forgotten them yet, so he hurried to catch up. "Yes, 'Anti-Seven Mouths'. At the beginning, they recited a passage from 'Hundred Family Names'. We have to memorize this. Now, I would like to invite my partner, Xia Lingyuan, to recite a passage for everyone!" The audience applauded: "Good!" Xiaoxia nodded: "Zhao, Qian, Sun, Li, Zhou, Wu, Zheng, Wang" "In addition to the Hundred Family Surnames, we also need to recite the Three Character Classic. I would like to invite my partner Xia Lingyuan to recite a passage for everyone." “When a person is born, his nature is good.” "In addition to the Three Character Classic, there are also The Great Learning, The Analects, The Doctrine of the Mean, and Mencius. Please welcome my partner Xia Lingyuan." The audience has started laughing. It's a classic segment of pitting the partner, where he says a part and lets his partner do it instead, and it's getting more and more outrageous.

Xia Lingyuan pushed him: "I can't do that!" Jin Xiaoyu turned around and said, "You don't know the Four Books? You didn't study hard. The teacher said that we crosstalk performers should know as much as possible and have all the Four Books and Five Classics memorized. Come, look, here is Journey to the West, and here is Dream of the Red Chamber." As he said this, he gestured on his belly and pulled Xiaoxia's hand over: "This is Sishu, come and touch Fourth Uncle" Xia Lingyuan pulled his hand towards himself and said, "Come, touch your uncle!" The audience burst into laughter. New students usually perform simple crosstalks on stage, such as "The Sheep Climbs the Tree" and "Anti-Seven Mouths". Why? This kind of ethical crosstalk has a lot of punchlines, and does not require so many complicated punchline structures. As long as the audience can be happy, they can take advantage of it. As for whether you can lead children astray or not, don’t worry. The essence of crosstalk is: there is no distinction between the important and the unimportant on stage, but there are rules off stage. Just like other arts, in Peking Opera, if an old man in his seventies or eighties plays the role of a tongsheng, he still has to call the seven or eight-year-old actor who plays the laosheng "grandpa". It's all for the sake of art. The laughter from the audience made the two feel much more relaxed, and the two children also hurriedly entered the formal presentation. Starting from the idea of ​​reading more, it was mentioned that if they had good academic performance, their parents would reward them. The reward given to Xiaoyu by his parents is to take him on a trip. Where should they go? A passage from Geography Map is shown. Xiao Xia said that his parents would take him to eat good food if his grades were good, and he performed a piece of "Reporting the Menu". The audience also cheered and encouraged the two children to finish their crosstalk "debut". After leaving the stage, the two brothers were immediately depressed. Like most people who were on stage for the first time, they were confused when they left the stage, and they relied purely on their memory to support themselves on stage! (End of this chapter)